Hey, You Got Your Personal Fulfillment in My Personal Space!



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Date31.10.2018
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sample 5

Essay #1
Hey, You Got Your Personal Fulfillment in My Personal Space!


Years ago my favorite television commercial was for Reese’s peanut butter cups. Two shoppers enjoying their respective snacks of peanut butter and chocolate bumped into each other. They were both angry, each yelling that the other had ruined their snack. When they calmly tried the resulting snack, they realized the snacks mingled into one snack both could enjoy. They thanked one another and went away satisfied and fulfilled. They were happy individuals in a seemingly happy society. From this simple commercial I’ve concluded that every person can gain a sense of personal fulfillment and become a productive member of society without impeding on others by reducing daily stresses, setting goals, and meeting the goals that are set in a timely fashion.

There are many ways to reduce daily stresses. The three that come to mind are courtesy, cooperation, and kindness. If people are courteous, cooperative, and kind, others will respond in a similar way. For example, when I bump into someone I am courteous and say, “Excuse me”, or “I’m so sorry”. I find that when I do this, most people will respond with, “that’s ok” or “no problem.” When they do not respond this way, I simply go on my way without confrontation. When I am driving, I follow the general rules of the road. If someone is waiting to cross at a tough intersection or attempting to merge into traffic, I am cooperative and let them go. This keeps traffic moving, thus reducing stress for everyone while driving. Kindness is the easiest of the three stress reducers because it can be as simple as a friendly “hello.” I say hello to strangers and friends alike. While attending Camden County College, I did my best to remain positive on especially stressful days. I found that when I said hello to the staff members at the college, I gained a sense of personal satisfaction from the smiles on their faces.

Fulfillment can be gained by goal setting because there is always a satisfaction in achieving a goal. Whether the goal is weight loss, smoking cessation, or education, hard work will result in the desired goal. My goal two years ago was to obtain my teaching degree. Half of my goal will be complete when I receive my Associate’s Degree in Elementary Education in May of 2006. I feel incredibly fulfilled just achieving this part of my goal.

Part of my original goal was to achieve my Associate’s Degree in five semesters. By finishing in a timely fashion, I don’t have to face the disappointment of more hard work ahead and I won’t postpone or delay completing my goal. The second part of my goal is to complete my Bachelor’s Degree in Elementary Education five semesters after I begin working on it. This is possible because I’ve succeeded in completing the first part of my goal in a timely fashion.

In conclusion, people can achieve personal fulfillment without impeding on others by reducing daily stress, making goals and achieving goals in a timely fashion. This is good for individuals and society because fulfilled people are happy people and happy people are generally productive members of society. Becoming a teacher will give me the ultimate personal fulfillment, making me a happy person and a productive teacher, which is good for society and myself. I am more productive at work and in society because I am happy with myself. Now if I could just have a Reese’s cup without it clashing with my goal of weight loss!

Bonus Question, Passage One



  1. The topic of this selection is the importance of education.

  2. The main idea of this selection is that the many forms of education we receive teach us all things that are important for a society to function properly. Things like values, beliefs and goals are based on the education we receive in the home and in the institutions we attend for a formal education.

Bonus Question, Passage Two



  1. The topic of this selection is the clarification of the meaning of “ideology” and its place in society.

  2. The main idea of this selection is that “ideologues” are fanatics who attempt to mask their own political agendas by promising fulfillment and happiness through war and anger instead of compromise and hard work.

Hello, sample 5,

The comments I posted on your essay are printed in the right-hand margin.


Summary: The essay is well written; both sentence skills and organization are excellent. However, you do not effectively address the issue raised by the topic (In an entitled essay explain why you believe that this notion of personal fulfillment is good or bad for both individuals and society.) You may want to take the second sentence of the last paragraph and use it to develop the body of the essay.

Grade: 82 + bonus = 85





Subject-verb agreement apostrophe omitted or misused

Pronoun –antecedent agreement Diction—unclear language

Pronoun reference Diction—awkward language

Pronoun case Misreading

Sentence fragment Misleading statement

Comma splice Development and structure

Incorrect use of the semicolon No context

The above errors commonly appear in essays. This list is for your reference.




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